Showing posts with label Essays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Essays. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

A Salute to Greasemonkeys

I believe that I am currently being visited by the Karma faries. For my mild rant of disgust aimed squarely at the commuting masses (of which I am one.) The Deities which I so squarely placed my motoring trust have decided to abandon me. In quite a non-leathal manner, I'm glad to report.

Instead, they saw fit to have my car broken.

This is the worst possible thing that could happen to me at this juncture in my life. Well, apart from something terminal occurring anyway.

However, having something like this happen proved to be a very costly expenditure. I feel that Bambi (my fearless renault megane 1.9dCi, which has notched up a number of wildlife casualties. I was considering getting some stencils made and painting their numbers onto the doors as some sort of badge of honour.) was probably in need of some TLC anyway, being about halfway through her useful life.

I learned 3 very important things through this experience.

1) I know far less about automotive things than I should. However, even I could tell that something was wrong with the fan belt by the horrid shrieks eminating from beneath the bonnet, around the fan belt area, funnily enough.

2) It is critical that within your group of friends, you should have someone who knows a lot more about automotive things than most people. This can save you great deals of money when speaking to mechanics.

3) Always ask to see the parts that were replaced on your car. If they can't provide evidence that things have been changed, don't pay.

So, after discovering the problem (requiring complete replacement of fan belt and belt tensioning pulley, and a separately diagnosed fault of something called a dog bone mounting, which holds the gearbox in check relating to the engine.) and getting some quotes, I was fortunately well prepared to get the painful, yet required work carried out.

£280 later and I feel slightly violated, but relieved to have a working car.

The kicker in all of this. My fiancee blames me entirely because, and I quote: "You should have bought a German car."

It is the uncompromising nature of the statement that reinforces my affection for my little French motor.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

New Years Resolutions (the late edition)

Firstly, apologies for my absence. It seems that like all good new years resolutions, I've completely ignored mine.

It seems that I was supposed to be writing more in the year 2008 - however, it also seems that I'm 0 entries for 4 months ever since I was allowed into the fold of content contributors for this group. A truly pitiful state of affairs, I'm sure that you'll agree.

I suppose a part of this is when I look at the rest of the content that is supplied here, I get a certain sense that I have nothing of merit to contribute. When I try to sit down and think 'Right, intelligent and thought provoking comments!' I draw a complete blank. Whether or not this is because I'm sober, and therefore everything seems more complex than it really is, I'm not entirely certain, but nonetheless, I feel that my ramblings wouldn't go down too well.

Maybe I'm wrong, or maybe you're sat there, reading this and thinking 'Well, why have you started rambling now?' - you're onto something there, by the way. I'm not sure either.

I suppose partly, I wanted to discuss the latest (now outdated) news about Blu-Ray finally overcoming the HD-DVD. Then I realised that the only statement I had to make was something along the lines of 'Thanks for not taking a generation' and lamenting about Sony's continuing march to own peoples souls through the medium of PS3 (honestly, it's just a cheap Blu-Ray DVD player / multimedia-centre/ overpriced games console/ please enter your credit card details here.)

Then, moving on from that little gem (I'm not done on the Sony wheel of evil yet.) I wanted to discuss mobile tariffs. Apart from the fact that they are all painfully expensive (I don't understand how, if we're getting all of these fantastic savings, they can still post record profits year after year. Surely, if we're saving money with them, they should be looking at more modest profit margins?) I was hoping that someone could point me in the direction of the best smart phone on the market at the moment. I'm about due an upgrade anyway.

Back to Sony. Have you ever noticed that if you walk into any high street retailer, you can pick up the same game, on Xbox and PS3 formats, and have a difference of anything up to £10 for each one? Is this to cover the difference in production costs? Probably not, because if Blu-Ray cost £10 more a pop to produce, there's no way that it would've made if off the ground. Is it to cover the additional cost of development for the 2 different consoles? Probably not, most developers follow the crowbar approach, which means that they make minimal adjustments to allow the game to run on the other console, be that Sony or Microsoft. Although, as most games are developed for Xbox, you pay more money for an inferior copy of games on PS3 - a situation which is less than desirable. The main differences are games that are developed for Sony specifically (and these are very good for the most part), and a few companies that have taken time to redevelop the core aspects of the game to properly fit the Sony. These rare occurrances do produce games that are merit worthy, and that's not to be sniffed at. Shame they're so rare.

Hopefully, I'll be able to make headway on producing something that would be described as 'readable' in the coming days. I once again feel as though I've sneezed at the screen and forgotten to wipe the words away.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Clarifying Our Position on The Monarchy

LMWN has in the past dedicated significant page space to the topic of Queen Elizabeth II. Back in the 19th century under Hawk's personal tutelage, The Little Man was quite vehemently a supporter of disestablishing the Church, but we've moderated this attitude in recent years as organised religion has lost much of its influence. Nonetheless, a clear tone has begun to develop when it comes to posting about The Monarchy. The time has come for a longer, more comprehensive, statement of our position. And so, we present the essay below, the individual arguments may already be familiar to our regular readers, but the presentation is new.



On the changing constitutional role of Elizabeth II

A reactionary rant at the mother of the nation

The British constitution is a strange creature, incomprehensible to many, and at its centre lies a number of contradictions: a vehemently secular society with an established church the bishops of which have a role in Government, a constitutionally bizarre second house, a regional system of governance that doesn't apply in the area of largest population (England). The whole edifice is built on tradition and convention, and in the heart of this interwoven muddle lies The Monarchy, sovereign of the country and currently embodied by Elizabeth II. Britain's long-running arguments over the Monarchy almost always revolve around principle, those in favour of the Monarchy elevate The Queen to a special status, those opposed to the Monarchy prefer to argue on grounds on idealism. The specific competence of the Monarch, and how well this role has been executed is rarely discussed publicly. But the Monarchy - like any other political role - reshapes itself to whoever has the job. Elizabeth II has had the role of Queen for quite such a long time (she ascended in February 1952) that there is almost no collective memory of what the Monarchy used to be like before she came along. As the trends of each era have changed, Elizabeth has undermined many of her historical roles, and left Britain's sovereignty no longer fit for purpose. Elizabeth II is among the worst queens England has ever had.

Common Sense by Thomas Paine (most known as the book that kick-started the American Revolution) has a nice summary (in hostile terms) of the role of the monarch in the British system that is a good place to start in viewing The Monarchy in context:

I know it is difficult to get over local or long standing prejudices, yet if we will suffer ourselves to examine the component parts of the English Constitution, we shall find them to be the base remains of two ancient tyrannies, compounded with some new republican materials.

First.--The remains of monarchical tyranny in the person of the king.

Secondly.--The remains of aristocratical tyranny in the persons of the peers.

Thirdly.--The new republican materials, in the persons of the commons, on whose virtue depends the freedom of England.

The two first, by being hereditary, are independent of the people; wherefore in a constitutional sense they contribute nothing towards the freedom of the state. To say that the constitution of England is a union of three powers reciprocally checking each other, is farcical, either the words have no meaning, or they are flat contradictions.

To say that the commons is a check upon the King, presupposes two things.

First.--That the King is not to be trusted without being looked after, or in other words, that a thirst for absolute power is the natural disease of monarchy.

Secondly.--That the Commons, by being appointed for that purpose, are either wiser or more worthy of confidence than the crown.

But as the same constitution which gives the Commons a power to check the King by withholding the supplies, gives afterwards the King a power to check the Commons, by empowering him to reject their other bills; it again supposes that the King is wiser than those whom it has already supposed to be wiser than him. A mere absurdity!

Paine's obviously hostile to the whole system, but if you read through his propaganda you see an idealised view of what the Monarch is for. The Monarch is the vessel that has to be used by Parliament in order to use its executive powers and get things done, and by withholding this executive privilege they act as a check on government (and of course this has changed over the last 300 years). They can't actually say no, but by paying attention and withholding their powers, a competent monarch is a check and balance on corrupt government. Bills don't become law till the Queen signs them, the Queen has national standardised addresses to the nation in which she is supposed to be politically impartial, and a number of executive powers can only be followed through in the name of the Queen. Basically the Queen is supposed to be an non-partisan leadership role for the country, and use her powers in the interests of the country at times of crisis.

It was on this basis that her great-grandfather declared War on Germany in 1914, and there followed a number of situations in the first half of the century where The Monarch leant on The Government in the interests of the country as a whole. The most notable occasion would be when her grandfather had a pivotal role in the formation of the National Government, an administration composed of all the main parties that was formed after the economic crash at the beginning of the Thirties. This was a move that went completely against normal politics, but was significantly the King's doing. But from this position of genuine influence, the Elizabethan era has shown a succession of major Royal privileges either being executed poorly, or being allowed to slip into the hands of her vassals, particularly the Prime Minister. Some examples: up until the mid-'60s The Queen was responsible for choosing the leader of The Conservative Party (on the grounds that they changed leaders when in government, and the Party deferred to her authority in choosing Prime Minister), The Dismissal crisis in Australia occurred when another of her vassals, the Governor-General, used her supreme authority to dismiss the elected government and demand a new election. This was, again, a situation where she was wilfully asleep at the wheel.

This can only be described as an era of managed decline, and it the nature of this decline that shows Elizabeth II in such a poor light. Elizabeth is, to be brutally frank, hideously poorly educated. She lacks any leadership skills, any real interest/understanding of the political process, and is quite obviously primarily interested in her family rather than the country. For her entire reign she has mistaken her role of being non-partisan for meaning totally apolitical, showing little more national leadership than a village pastor. In a fantastically amusing article in The Guardian, one of Britain's leading public authorities on the monarchy -- David Starkey-- described her in a less than appealing light, titled "Queen is poorly educated and a Philistine, says Starkey", it's worth reading for some historical context. Because of her exceptionally long reign, this flawed individual has allowed The Government and her minor officials to usurp many of her executive powers, and the defining feature of these hand-overs has been a respect for privilege and tradition at the expense of constitutional logic. This means that when a genuine crisis occurs in which The Government could be viewed as acting against the interests of the nation (The David Kelly affair is a perfect example), there is no constitutional body who can do the job of taking them to task, because all these powers now reside in the government. We are left depending on the constitutional procedures of political parties, rather than of the country itself. We are all so used to this Queen that if she actually did start doing her constitutional job, there would be dismay.

So, following up the example of the aftermath of David Kelly's death: when the entire country suspected The Government (and the PM's personal team) of having a major public servant's blood on its hands as a result of its desire to go to war, there was a clear role for a non-partisan leader. In this case, the Government was proving extremely reserved about setting the terms of a public enquiry, a situation that could have been akin to Watergate if there was an independent body to intervene. At this point the Queen would, according to the British system, have the authority to step in and act as a check on the Executive when it comes to the terms and remit of the public enquiry.

But even accepting that she has irretrievably lost all executive powers, as any sort of matriarch of the nation she has proved woefully inadequate. Some further examples of the neglect of duty in the House Of Windsor is the disdain they have for their roles as Head of State in the Commonwealth countries. Elizabeth is Queen of Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, Barbados, the Bahamas, Grenada, Papua New Guinea, the Solomon Islands, Tuvalu, Saint Lucia, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Antigua and Barbuda, Belize, and Saint Kitts and Nevis; Duke of Normandy, Lord of Mann, and Paramount Chief of Fiji. It's quite a list, but the family themselves act in an extremely provincial fashion spending the vast majority of their time on large estates in the countryside of England and Scotland. They have a clear tendency to treat visits to the countries where they are equally Head of State as if they were foreign visits. No state-houses that her family are sent to actually live in at all. No wonder The Commonwealth is a toothless international organisation if for its entire existence it has been embodied by a family who refuse to take their responsibilities to it seriously.

Now the role of the Queen is seen to be to perform certain ceremonies in a dramatic and austere fashion, for her family's life to be documented at length in the national and international media... Vessels for the media to enjoy as a narrative,a constitutionally important celebrity. Their main job is to allow people to feel sentimental and nostalgic about the country - to somehow embody Britishness for the tourists. She makes the occasional international visit, and her family are supposed to shake hands with people to make those people feel important. As leaders, and as a check and balance on the government, they are totally incompetent. And in return for this woefully inadequate leadership, they are allowed to live in incomparable luxury at the taxpayers expense.

If a different person were monarch, and that person tried in some way to act in the interests of the country/countries rather than defending their own selfish clan, then the case for a monarchy could be defensible. Unfortunately Elizabeth II is a moron, her son is a fool despised by the country, and her family have spent far too long doing things Elizabeth's way. This becomes evermore difficult to defend if we are forced to consider changing the royal line, for instance looking to the House Of Hanover, to eliminate this dead-wood (a move that undermines the whole principle of a monarchy). With a royal line quite so unsuited to any role in governance, we are forced to support a Republic.

The Queen is a half-wit, and has done serious damage to the constitution... We'd be better off with a President. I wish her ill, preferably abdicated. Better yet she would never have been born.

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

New Hampshire: Please Vote Ron Paul

In which a stiff-upper-lipped Englishman makes an uncharacteristically impassioned plea to the voters of New Hampshire.

In 2004 The Guardian launched a patronising and misguided attempt to brow-beat a small group of American voters into voting for John Kerry. Operation Clark County led to a flood of letters being sent to the small Ohio county attempting to persuade the voters to take the international dimension into account when selecting their candidate. This effort highlighted everything that the world hates about Britons:

  • our patronising arrogance
  • our seeming disdain for the provincial, the domestic and the homely
  • our misguided belief that our imperial past imbues every bore in every British pub with the patrician qualities needed to lecture the rest of the world about international affairs

These attitudes are borne of our imperial past and our degraded present. We would rather comment on the mote in your eye, whilst ignoring the hefty great mock-Tudor beam in our own. Operation Clark County rightly and delightfully backfired (see: Dear Limey assholes).

With this in mind, I write the following with caution. Please accept that this comes from the heart and that I write it knowing that I will subsequently feel foolish for doing so. Nevertheless, I also know that in this instance I must write what I feel. Publish and be damned as they say.

In summary: voters of New Hampshire, please vote for Ron Paul in today's Presidential primary elections.




I have always loved America. More specifically, it is the myth of America that I am in love with. Of course I have consumed a lot of American culture (who in the West hasn't) and I've actually visited once (more than many of the USA's most vocal European critics though). But I've eaten a lot of French food and yet don't love France in the same way. The reason I love America is that I love liberty and the ideals of America are the ideals of liberty.

I find it a truly amazing thing that men living nearly 250 years ago could conceive so clearly of how a free people could live. It astounds me that concepts such as free speech, due process and limited government were enshrined so clearly in the founding documents of a new country created all those years ago. Of course, many of those ideas came from my own country, where hints of their origins can be found in Magna Carta and more explicitly in the works of Englishmen like John Locke and Thomas Paine. But it was in America that they truly came to fruition and in America where a new country was created according to those principles.

However we are all grown-ups here, we know that the constitution is not a document handed down from God, that the American founders were not infallible beings and that concepts such as "manifest destiny" led to the practical extinction of the peoples who already lived on the American continent. We know that from the start the vision of liberty has been corrupted. America has been the home of slavery and of injustice. It experimented with imperialism in the Philippines at the beginning of the 2oth Century, just as it now does in Iraq at the start of the 21st. But, as much as the narrative of the American revolution and the subsequent history of the country has been mythologised, there is a kernel of something grand and beautiful within the shell of American political culture.

There are the grand words:

"We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal...”

There is the recognition that dignity and happiness can only come through individual liberty:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

And there is the tradition of non-conformists like Benjamin Tucker to Henry David Thoreau:

"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root" - Henry David Thoreau




Ron Paul

Of all the candidates standing for election to become President of the United States, I believe that Ron Paul is the only candidate who truly believes in the ideals of liberty. In other words he is the only candidate who truly believes in the ideals of America. His voting record shows that he is committed to the constitution. He believes in a small federal government, deferring most decisions to the state level. This is what the founders believed. He wishes America to become disentangled from foreign conflicts that are not in her long-term interests. This is what the founders believed. Dr Paul is not stupid of course, he too knows that the constitution is just a piece of paper, but he also understands that the more that America has strayed from the principles and ideals that underlie that document, the more that its political culture has become poisoned.

In terms of America the ideal, Ron Paul is the only true American standing in this election. Vote Ron Paul to strike at the root.

To New Hampshire conservatives

True conservatism is about liberty. It is about the freedom to solve problems by yourself as individuals, families and local communities. Conservatives should be sceptical of those who claim that big Government can solve all of life's problems. Ron Paul shares your scepticism and his voting record proves that he is committed to smaller Government and for limiting the federal state to those functions specifically allowed by the constitution. Other GOP candidates claim to share this scepticism but their conduct in public office proves otherwise. To a man, they have engaged in pork-barrel politics and corporate whoring. They have controlled both houses of Congress and the executive branch and have enlarged the federal Government. Often Ron Paul has been the sole voice in Congress against such enlargements.

Conservatives should also be sceptical of sending America's armed forces to fight wars that do not serve the interests of your country. If you love your country and you respect your fighting men and women, you should vote for Dr Paul, the only candidate guaranteed to bring the troops home to defend America's borders and interests.

To New Hampshire liberals

The New Hampshire primaries are "open". If you are not a registered Democrat you can vote for a GOP candidate. I urge all unregistered liberals to vote for Ron Paul. If you see Dr Paul as a threat to your favoured policy or program, I ask you this: at what level of Government is intervention more likely to work? Localism is one of the great liberal values. If social programs are run closer to home - perhaps at the state level - they will be less monolithic, more accountable and will allow for a diversity of solutions in different states. If you implement one solution at the federal level, can you be sure it will be the right one? Will it be easy to change it once it is in place? You are sceptical of massive corporations imposing "one size fits all" solutions on the public. Shouldn't you be sceptical of candidates who want the federal government to do the same?

Dr Paul will attempt to return power to the states. He will not prevent New Hampshire running a state-funded health care scheme, just as he will not prevent the state from explicitly legalising abortion. A vote for Ron Paul is a vote for diversity. As left-wing British blogger David Lindsay says:

"Only states' rights, as advocated by Ron Paul, can bring social democracy to America, just as only national sovereignty can restore social democracy to Europe."

As for foreign policy, Ron Paul is the only candidate you can trust to bring the troops home. You can't trust Obama and you certainly can't trust Hillary. Liberal interventionism and neo-Conservatism are two sides of the same coin: both breed hatred of America and both distract the public and politicians from solving the problems you have at home.

The constitution is a liberal document. It was written by liberals and is the blueprint for a truly liberal society. Don't allow conservatives to steal your radical heritage. Vote Ron Paul to get a truly liberal president.

To all New Hampshire voters

Whatever your political opinions, I ask you to examine the candidates on a personal level. Look at how the other candidates have shilled for special interests their whole lives. Notice how they attempt to manipulate you with saccharine ads and empty promises. Even when the media presents one favoured candidate as more honest or down-to-Earth than another, look at their voting records. See how they only vote on party-lines or according to who pays their bills. See how their opinions change from one year to the next. They all sold their principles and their souls long ago. Compare them to Ron Paul. Look at his voting record, not on the shallow level of whether or not he support your favoured cause, but look at his consistency and his purity of vision.

Never mind that he is a family man and clinician of great personal and professional integrity, watch his interviews on YouTube and see how he gives straight answers to questions often deliberately designed to trip him up. Notice how all his answers are informed by his opinions, not by whatever demographic may be watching at that particular time. Notice also that he is not naive, that he is clearly politically savvy, but that these smarts are displayed without dishonesty or evasion. Besides all this, I ask that you watch his videos and try to deny that there is a fundamental decency about the man that just shines through.




In Conclusion

Today the residents of New Hampshire have the power to alter the course of the planet. You can confound the corporate media and the vested interests. You have the power to kickstart the campaign of an honest man. A campaign which could conceivably steer America back onto the path of liberty. You have the power to show that liberty and freedom works. You have the power to bring the fighting men and women of America's armed forces home to protect your borders, rather than fighting foreign wars whilst embroiled in the "entangling alliances" that Jefferson warned of. You have the power to help Ron Paul to make America the shining beacon of liberty to the world once more.

Please, for the sake of America the country and America the ideal, and to give hope to all those across the world who are Americans in their heart, please vote Ron Paul.

Live free or die!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Starbucks-crossed Lovers

Now that winter is truly upon us and we curl up by the fire shivering and waiting for the green shoots of spring to arrive (no parallel with the UK economy intended), I thought that I would inject a little romance into the blog by telling you how a visit to Starbucks changed my life. Return with me to 2005, and to the Starbucks in Cabot place, Canary Wharf, and I will tell you a romantic tale.

As would be expected of early afternoon at the beginning of the year, there was a convivial bustle about the place. It was into this bustle that I inserted myself. Now, picture me. I was a twentysomething Management Consultant and, since my project had finished before Christmas, I was awarding myself some well-deserved rest by keeping quiet about not being on another project yet. This meant that I was ‘working from home’. Since I didn’t have broadband internet at home, did actually have work to do, and was running low on coffee, I decided that for the time being the ‘home’ I worked from would be the above Starbucks outlet.

Having installed myself at one of the tables, and resembling something from You’ve Got Mail or some other Meg Ryan movie (iPod, grande latte, wintry knitwear, laptop, hair carefully trained into an unkempt look, cynical stubble), I set to work trying to connect my laptop to the wireless network in the outlet. This meant trying to work the Wi-Fi in my laptop. It turns out that I am not very good at working the Wi-Fi in my laptop.

Getting slightly bored with this charade, I gazed out through the open door into the shopping mall area outside. ‘Wow’, I thought, as a stunning woman walked past the door and on around somewhere else. I went back to the screen, and continued in vain on the Wi-Fi. A few minutes later, I gazed up again and Stunning Woman was walking in. We made eye contact and smiled at each other, but I shyly looked back to my laptop.

I need to let slip some more autobiography here. I used to work in an office very near to this Starbucks, and still knew some of the people I used to work with. So, still struggling to work the Wi-Fi, I was relieved when the IT manager from my old department walked in. Thinking that I could enlist his help with this internet problem, I turned around to see where he was in the queue. As I did so, I saw that Stunning Woman had sat at the table behind me. We caught each other’s eye again, and smiled again. I went to ask my IT manager for help, and came and sat back down. I couldn’t concentrate, I had such a strong feeling about Stunning Woman. So I decided that I would say something, and I decided that it had to be something fantastic that I would say, because people must say things to her all the time. So I turned around, to say something fantastic, and I looked at her, and I took a deep breath, and I spoke to her.

“My Wi-Fi’s not working.”


That was what I said, and I’m not proud of it. It’s not the best line that anyone’s ever used to break the ice with someone that they had just met. OK, so it’s the worst line that anyone’s ever used to break the ice with someone that they had just met. But, somehow, it broke the ice, and Stunning Woman spoke back to me. We had a 15 minute conversation, and exchanged contact details (well, in truth, she gave me her CV), but I had to leave. I was in the middle of the most important moment of my life up to that point, having just realized that I had found my soulmate, and I was afraid that I might say the wrong thing. “If I leave now,” I thought, “I can contact her with dignity. If I stay, I may end up putting my foot in my mouth.” So I left the Starbucks, giving one last smile as I looked back and saw her watching me walk out. Outside, and out of sight, I finally understood the phrase ‘take my breath away’, as I gasped to breathe, knowing that I had just met my future wife. I now know that as soon as I had left Starbucks, Stunning Woman had also called her Mum and best friend to tell them that she had just met the man she was going to marry. Two days later, we met up. During the course of our meeting we told each other how significant our feeling had been when we met. Our relationship has deepened every day since that moment. After 5 months of being together, we got engaged, having asked each other spontaneously at exactly the same time. I had already bought the ring 3 weeks earlier. After 6 months of spending every day and every night together that it was possible to spend together, I moved my things out of my flat and in with her. It sounds quick, but if anything it felt like it had moved slowly, even though it flew by.

Unlike some other such stories, this one has a happy ending. We got married in my old college in Cambridge in spring last year and are living happier and happier days. Many of my single friends have taken to hanging out in Starbucks in the vain hope of a repeat, but the introducing of Bertrand to the Future Mrs Boer-Waugh has remained a one-off.

There is a moral to this tale. At the time that this happened, I was having problems with my (very recent) split from an ill-tempered woman and the last thing that I was seeking was another woman. But sometimes things happen outside of our control, and as Pangloss would say, everything is for the best in this best of all possible worlds. This can happen even when everything seems shit in this shittest of all possible worlds, and even when you are hopelessly out of your depth and making a shit job of the situation. Desperately pursuing happiness is not necessarily the most efficient way to find it - walk through open doors rather than pushing on closed ones. And when you find something special, it is worth cherishing from the start. Be happy - you deserve it.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

A Thanksgiving Message from Mrs Hoffman

My dear wife has asked me to post the following on her behalf.

Some of you may not be aware that One of the Most English Men Alive, Ted Hoffman, is married to an American. The details of why the union was formed will remain hidden from you, Dear Reader, but suffice to say he seems to enjoy cockiness, loud laughter, and Taco Bell. In any case, I break my silence today to clear up a wee misconception that the Brits seem to have about our hallowed November holiday. Thanksgiving is NOT a "bigger deal" than Christmas. The first couple of times that I heard this little gem, I thought the person earnestly explaining this conceit was merely confused. However, I’ve lived in the UK for six years, and, each Thanksgiving season, more than one person has expressed the same thought using the exact same phraseology. After a while, I became convinced that the British had been brainwashed like that chap in Conspiracy Theory who has to buy the Catcher in the Rye each time the baddies send him an electronic message. "Every time someone says the word 'Thanksgiving' to you, you MUST wheel out a clichéd urban myth." Ted looked at me strangely when I brought up this possibility to him, but I'm sure that's just because I've caught the propaganda out! Anyway, to Americans, Thanksgiving is the official beginning of the holiday season, so that's why we celebrate it so enthusiastically. Most white-collar workers not only get Thanksgiving Thursday off as a Federal Holiday, but also receive the gift of Friday off as well. Since we don't get many holidays, and we have no concept of Boxing Day, a dedicated four day weekend given to us freely is a source of awe, happiness, and turkey. Perhaps this is where the confusion lies.

You may know that the purpose of the day is to give thanks for all the blessings you've had over the past twelve months, and even though the word "blessing" is verboten in this country, I urge you to take the opportunity to reflect on all of the “good shit” that happened this year. Undertaking this exercise on the fourth Thursday of November is infinitely more logical than trying to take account on New Year's Eve when you're fuzzy on fizzy and your husband is off helping the host light fireworks despite being three sheets to the wind, the both of them. I digress. If, like Edwin, you abhor the artificial Christmas combination of green and red, adopt Thanksgiving with its muted hues of brown and orange! Whatever happens, you should definitely wish your favorite Yank a Happy Thanksgiving.

Mrs Hoffman

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Children of the Ghetto: Henryk Ross

A party in the Łódź Ghetto, Photography by Henryk Ross

Long after the Second World War had finished, Henryk Ross returned to his native Poland and dug up the photographic negatives he had buried for safekeeping.

Many had suffered water-damage since they were concealed, but they had survived well enough for Ross to revisit the life he had led between 1940 and 1944. As he examined his work, he would have seen happy images of children’s parties; comedy shots, such as the one that depicts a policeman with a watering can hovering over his head; and a delightful photo of a pretty young woman posing by some saplings.


At first glance, you would mistake these as the snapshots of a very talented photographer. But look closer and you see a recurrent and unexpected detail: the yellow star worn on every breast.

Were it not for that, it would be hard to believe that these happy, well-fed people were interned at Łódź, in the Holocaust’s second-largest ghetto. Overseen by the controversial Chaim Rumkowski, whose name is now inextricably linked with the notorious “Give me Your Children” speech, the ghetto was effectively a sweatshop for the German war effort, as well as a holding centre for Jews being deported to the death camps at Auschwitz and Chełmno.

So why are these photographs so radically different to the now-familiar Holocaust images of starving and brutalised men, women and children? And how did Ross manage to get hold of the camera and film under such conditions?

The answer to both of these questions lies in the fact that Nazis allowed the Jews to administer and police the ghetto themselves. Subsequently a Łódź “elite” evolved: a minority who held coveted jobs and lived comparatively privileged lives. Henryk Ross was employed by the ghetto’s Department of Statistics to capture images of ghetto inhabitants producing goods for the Nazis.

Ross performed his duties correctly, but was also in demand by members of the elite families, whose children he photographed at play and at parties. However, he also risked his life by taking clandestine shots of the ghetto’s horrors: hungry people searching for food; Jews being herded into cattle trucks on their way to the death camps; individual deportations; a corpse hanging from a noose; people trying to escape Nazi round-ups of the old, sick and very young.

It was dangerous and horrifying work, but Ross later recalled the strength of his motivation:
“I was anticipating the total destruction of Polish Jewry. I wanted to leave a historical record of our martyrdom.”
He succeeded. Some of the photographs Ross later unearthed were used as evidence at Adolf Eichmann’s trial in 1961. However, although Ross himself did not die until 1991, the more ‘homely’ pictures of life amongst the Łódź elite were not publicly displayed until 2005.


It is not hard to see why. The images of a well-fed, seemingly content class of people amongst the ghetto’s inhabitants force us to ask some very difficult questions about human nature. How, against a backdrop of hunger, forced labour, deportation and murder can we interpret photographs of plump children playing at policemen and arresting their friends?


As one survivor remarked when seeing the photographs for the first time, “Hunger does not bring out noble feelings”. Nor is it easy to pass judgement when, looking into the eyes of those Ross photographed, one remembers that almost every single person was dead by 1945: of the 204,000 Jews who passed through the ghetto, just 10,000 survived.


Ross himself.